your namethree months from now, i'll look back on this and think
"i can't believe i ever wrote your name on my desk."
but until then, i'll keep scratching it in,
over and over,
until it makes a dent,
in my heart.
i don't carePeople ask me that question all the time.
It's only five words,
but I want to reply with thousands.
Instead of telling them the truth?
"I don't know."
That's what I tell them all.
Every, single last one of them thinks that I don't know why I decided to make such bad life choices.
Every one of them thinks I'm some idiot, that I don't know what I'm doing to myself or where this is going to go.
I hate them for that.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
I know I'm probably going to die in my thirties.
I know exactly what's going to happen.
But that's just the thing, you see...
I don't care anymore.
It all started with the lectures.
"Don't do drugs."
"Don't get pregnant."
"Don't drink and drive."
"On second thought, don't drink at all."
I had heard them all,
more times in a month than anyone should have to hear in a lifetime.
But it wasn't just the bad things they ordered me to follow their rules on.
"Go to college."
"Do your homework."
"Accept Him into your heart and you'll go to Heaven."
Screaming InsideIt let out everything.
The solid, mind-shattering ring
that echoed throughout the endless field
and broadcasted to the world
everything that had happened.
It let out the years and years worth of torture,
and every emotion in between.
Every unexplainable emotion, she had ever felt, was there.
And it felt good to let it out.
There, in the golden field of grass,
she knelt in anguish.
Her brown hair was barely visible above the tall, dry grass;
both were blowing through the breeze.
Her tears fell silently,
and her sobs fell flat.
But there, in the glowing, golden field,
she was all alone, with no one in sight.
There weren't even any trees around.
She could see golden grass for miles on end.
She loved being there,
With the breeze blowing gently at her face,
and the sky an endless, infinite shade of blue,
no clouds to stop the sun from shining down on her.
She knelt there,
Knowing not of how she had gotten there,
but only of ho